I appreciate you re-blogging and writing a rebuttal. This was a topic intended to incite conversation and debate. To be fair to your feelings, I understand how hard it is to control and express your emotions. It is the same for both genders and something that is a struggle FOREVER unfortunately.
But to be honest, it has been an uphill battle since high school to not find men who are offended by every little thing. Where we as women are raised even still to believe that tradition man-woman relationships exist, I have not been in a single one and I have been dating for over a decade. I get the constant questions as to how I am feeling and what am I thinking and the ENDLESS conversations about the status of the relationship. I might as well be a lesbian, cause it is strangely reminiscent of every complaint made by a woman in Cosmopolitan magazine. “I ask my boyfriend what he is thinking about and he always says ‘Nothing.’ I just want to know how he FEELS”.
As a whole, I agree. It does level out to “maturity vs. emotionality”. And it also ties into that article I posted on FB about the self-absorption of this generation and how this generation’s parents are too indulging. So if we are coddling our sons into being helpless, then we are setting them up for failure. Same for our daughters. Self-sufficiency is key.
I have noticed lately that guys are becoming more and more effeminate as we age. I am not sure if this is an age thing akin to a quarter life crisis, or if this generation of men are simply more sensitive, but it is a fascinating study.
To be honest, it is tiring; always having to work around the…
I think that the issue here is less of a gender role and one of maturity.
To have a woman say “Man up!” is really strange. What, exactly, does a woman know about being a man? Probably about as much as a man knows about being a woman: nothing. Or next to nothing. It all depends on the perception and the level of education. But to say “Man up and quit being a pussy” is really offensive and sexist, I think.
There’s a difference between knowing how to change a light socket cover and how to be a man. If you can’t change a light socket cover you’re an idiot, no matter the gender. If you can’t express your emotions without going into hysterics then you’re not a man. A man can express his emotions quite well, thank you very much; in fact HE SHOULD. The traditional definition of “a man” is the rough, gruff NO EMOTIONS WHATSOEVER John Wayne stereotype that’s stunted the emotional growth of generations of men, and thank god we’re moving away from that. I don’t care if I come off as effeminate, personally; I’ll tell you how I feel and I want to be heard on how I feel. Is that a gender role or a human condition? I believe that wanting to be understood on an emotional level is a human condition, and that for long time men were taught not to because of perception, of the hunter/gatherer tough stereotyping.
“Gentlemen: If she is inconsiderate of your feelings, think of what your grandfather would do (shut up about it and go work in the garage). Also, your indecisiveness is not a virtue. You dont get to break up with her and then come back the next day saying that you need to think about your feelings. Fuck your feeilngs. You are a man. You dont have feelings. You have urges. Go with the urges. Be a real man.”
A real man has feelings. A real man can express them, but it’s hard; you know how hard it is to allow yourself to actually say what you’re feeling AS A MAN knowing that the “idea” of a man is the exact opposite? That’s extraordinarily difficult. That’s allowing vulnerability into the strange tough guy role that men are “supposed” to have.
It seems to me that you’re looking at immaturity as the problem, and classifying it as not being “a man.” This is true; a boy can’t be a man. A boy acts the way you describe, but an asshole also acts in the manner that you prescribe. A true man is able to emote, relate, and speak without allowing his emotions to take control of him. And I’m speaking this AS a man who is constantly challenged to do so, and it’s not easy, but it’s doable.
Posts like these don’t make it any easier.